if you like me you must not know who I am
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
