I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
try to milk me bitch
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
