On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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