just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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