dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
