trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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