So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
did you just send me my own nude
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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