She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
