I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
