phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
