omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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