she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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