This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
