when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
