the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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