i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
