So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
