Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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