Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
