So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
