Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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