it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
