Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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