I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
