...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
