You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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