the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
