So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
