i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
