I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
