I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
