help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Randomize
