Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
