If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
