dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
