she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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