I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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