what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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