Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
