i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
