I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
