We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
