My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
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you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
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if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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