You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
