she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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