cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
