hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
