just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
