Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
