I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
