It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
