i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
