LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I want her autograph on my taint
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
