did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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