I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
