I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
