I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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