ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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