Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
