What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
