I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
