Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
