I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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