The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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